Darlings, When I started this blog I knew one of my goals was to write about mental health in order to help others going through the same thing, because the thought of another person experiencing the feelings I have felt and thinking the most difficult, unbearable thoughts that I have thought for the past three years breaks my heart in a way I can't explain. It's a different heartache I feel when I know someone is struggling and they can't talk because I know exactly how that is and trust me it's draining. Fine became part of my dictionary but with the most opposition meaning behind it and it slowly started becoming my routine and the norm to say that, revolutionising it until I mislead people into believing I was okay, and I really wasn't. But why did I say that when I was far from it? Because this society we live in stigmatises mental health so much when the worst place you could be in is inside your own head, so why doesn't it get the coverage it needs...
I was 9 years old when my self esteem started to deteriorate. Even just writing that is upsetting, I was so young yet I was struggling already. The reasoning being that I was diagnosed with scoliosis at this age. If you don't know what scoliosis is, it is a medical condition in which causes a curvature to the spine. At the beginning it was 20 degrees, I didn't suffer with much pain but my paranoia over whether it was visible to others increased along with the percentage of my spine. Back brace for 4 years and yet my spine refused to slow down. Every checkup resulted in a drastic change in the curve and it was beginning to interfere with my breathing. By the time it was 85 degrees, I was 12 and the surgery was pushed forward because it was affecting my heart. 13 years old and I was preparing for a ten hour spine surgery. Could you even imagine the fear I was having? The thoughts such as what if I am paralysed after this? What if it isn't successful? Will I have to quit danc...
<3 On the 8th of April I celebrated my 19th birthday and despite it being my second lockdown birthday, I still had the loveliest day and celebrated it the best way possible. I am utterly grateful to have the most amazing family who love me so much and who are always there for me. I have been well and truly spoilt and I recognise how lucky and privileged I am. So as a disclaimer, this isn't a post to brag, I like to make these posts each year to look back on whenever and to remember the day. Every year on my birthday I reflect on my life and everything that I have been through to get to this point. I feel so blessed that I have made it to see another birthday as having mental health problems can make that seem impossible at times. I love every single one of my presents but the one that means so special to me is my Eiffel Tower charm. My dream is to move to Paris so having the charm is my reminder of my goal that I want to achieve in the upcoming years as it just seems like the p...
Comments
Post a Comment