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My 19th Birthday

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<3 On the 8th of April I celebrated my 19th birthday and despite it being my second lockdown birthday, I still had the loveliest day and celebrated it the best way possible. I am utterly grateful to have the most amazing family who love me so much and who are always there for me. I have been well and truly spoilt and I recognise how lucky and privileged I am. So as a disclaimer, this isn't a post to brag, I like to make these posts each year to look back on whenever and to remember the day. Every year on my birthday I reflect on my life and everything that I have been through to get to this point. I feel so blessed that I have made it to see another birthday as having mental health problems can make that seem impossible at times.  I love every single one of my presents but the one that means so special to me is my Eiffel Tower charm. My dream is to move to Paris so having the charm is my reminder of my goal that I want to achieve in the upcoming years as it just seems like the p...
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April, Update and Grief.

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Time goes so quick and it's been so long since I last wrote a blog post that I am lost on what to write... Life feels repetitive and almost like I am in a loop. Each day feels the same and it is getting harder each time. When I reflect on the past year, I have absolutely no clue how I have got through it. It's been a challenge, especially for my mental health. Also, university work has taken up so much of my life so I haven't had as much time as I would like to sit down and just ramble on my blog. It's all been very tough but I know I am not the only one.  I wanted to write this post to talk about something that has really hit me hard and what I have been struggling to come to terms with and process. On the 8th of March 2021, my beautiful great-nanny pix passed away after years of suffering from Alzheimers. My heart is broken and I am still trying to heal but it's been so difficult I can't even begin to explain. She was a fighter and I will always admire her for...
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Christmas Day + Saying Goodbye To 2020...

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I want to wish everyone who reads this the happiest Christmas.  2020 has been a year like no other and as it comes to an end, I want to reflect.  This year has been filled with many ups and downs, goodbyes and tests of my strength. I have lost people, met new people and also felt alone. But while it has been a  very difficult year, not just for me, but for so many, I can honestly say it has opened my eyes to many things and it has taught me a lot. The most important being that nothing is ever certain and we should appreciate what we already have and who is around us. From the moment lockdown was announced and I had to stay inside for weeks, I struggled to find any happiness in my life. Every day I would wake up and struggle to even get out of bed as I felt I had nothing to look forward to, so the internal bully in my mind became louder and stronger. I felt I had hit rock bottom as during those months I was the lowest I had been in a while. Whilst my mental health was suff...
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Suicide Prevention Month 2020

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*tw: suicide* //  This month is National Suicide Prevention Month. A whole month that is dedicated to raising awareness on suicide and to reduce the stigma around a public health issue that is so important. I have spoken a lot about my own experience with my mental health problems so this month is very close to my heart.  In July, I got my first tattoo which was a semi colon. It is a tattoo I have wanted for so long as the meaning behind it is so important to me and I wanted it as a reminder to keep going even on my darkest days.  "A semi colon is used when an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to" For years I have struggled with suicidal ideation and I have been in really dark places. It's like a huge weight that is holding me down and I struggle to get out from underneath it. Sometimes I can ignore them but other times they will overwhelm me. Most of the time the thoughts will creep up on me and catch me off guard. If I'm crossing the ro...
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Popular posts from this blog

The Reality of Mental Health

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Darlings, When I started this blog I knew one of my goals was to write about mental health in order to help others going through the same thing, because the thought of another person experiencing the feelings I have felt and thinking the most difficult, unbearable thoughts that I have thought for the past three years breaks my heart in a way I can't explain. It's a different heartache I feel when I know someone is struggling and they can't talk because I know exactly how that is and trust me it's draining.  Fine  became part of my dictionary but with the most opposition meaning behind it and it slowly started becoming my routine and the norm to say that, revolutionising it until I mislead people into believing I was okay, and I really wasn't. But why did I say that when I was far from it? Because this society we live in stigmatises mental health so much when the worst place you could be in is inside your own head, so why doesn't it get the coverage it needs...
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My Personal Experience

I was 9 years old when my self esteem started to deteriorate. Even just writing that is upsetting, I was so young yet I was struggling already. The reasoning being that I was diagnosed with scoliosis at this age. If you don't know what scoliosis is, it is a medical condition in which causes a curvature to the spine. At the beginning it was 20 degrees, I didn't suffer with much pain but my paranoia over whether it was visible to others increased along with the percentage of my spine. Back brace for 4 years and yet my spine refused to slow down. Every checkup resulted in a drastic change in the curve and it was beginning to interfere with my breathing. By the time it was 85 degrees, I was 12 and the surgery was pushed forward because it was affecting my heart. 13 years old and I was preparing for a ten hour spine surgery. Could you even imagine the fear I was having? The thoughts such as what if I am paralysed after this? What if it isn't successful? Will I have to quit danc...
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Monday Motivation

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♡ Darlings  it’s a fresh week and a chance to leave anything negative that happened behind. this week remember your mental health is far more important than homework you’re stressing about or what your boss is telling you to do. Go outside, breathe, meditate, do whatever your heart desires in order to keep yourself calm for these next 7 days. take some time for yourself and remember you’re only human, you’re allowed to have bad days and it’s okay not to be okay.  Perhaps make a list today consisting of the things you want to achieve by the end of this week, so when it comes Sunday you can look back and reflect on it. or even write down positive things you done this week, there’s no such thing as right or wrong or too little. The world is meant to be explored so go out and find something new, discover a different path and always keep following your dreams. Love what you have today and be grateful for it. Remember that you are special, blessed and have a purpose. You ar...
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